Your Post Break Up Glow Up Guide: 7 Powerful Self-Discovery Tips
Your Post-Break-Up Glow-Up Revenge Guide
The Glow-Up Guide: 7 Steps to Rediscovering Yourself after A Breakup
If you’re reading this, I know you’re probably in a tough place right now. Maybe you’re wondering if you should stay or leave your relationship. Or perhaps the decision has already been made for you, and you’re left to pick up the pieces. Either way, I’m so sorry you’re hurting (sending you virtual hugs and shoulder rubs).
Breakups suck—there’s no sugarcoating it. The pain isn’t just emotional; it’s spiritual, mental, and even physical. But believe me when I say this: this could be the best thing to happen to you.
I’ve been there. Years ago, I found myself in your shoes. I had just gotten broken up with after a 7-year-long relationship with someone I met at 18. Our breakup wasn’t just painful—it was messy. But in hindsight, I can honestly say it was the turning point I needed to find myself again & COMPLETELY change who I was, my life & transform into the version of myself I always wanted to become.
If you’re feeling lost right now because of a break-up, let me guide you through some steps that helped me rediscover who I was after my breakup.
Journaling… What do you like?
One of the first things I did was sit down with a blank journal and try to list things I liked. I quickly realized I had no idea. After years of pouring all my energy into my partner, I had completely lost touch with myself. I spent so much of my time trying to fit into the life that he had, and what he liked that I forgot what I liked amd what I wanted.
At first, it was frustrating. But then, I let go of the pressure and started small:
• I like animals.
• I like coffee.
• I like motivational speeches on YouTube.
Suddenly, the ideas started flowing. Journaling became a way to piece myself back together. It felt like getting to know an old friend—you.
There was an accumulation of things I had to learn about myself from over the years that I didn’t pay any attention to before because all my attention went to my partner.
That’s the other thing. You cannot be hard on yourself. I was so hard on myself for being with the wrong man for so long, I had so much guilt over being left and not doing the leaving myself. I was angry with myself for months until I realized that in order for me to get anywhere, I need to start being kinder to myself or I’m not gonna make it. That takes us to number 2.
2. Speak kindly to yourself.
The way you talk to yourself matters. After my breakup, my inner voice was full of guilt and anger. But I learned to soften it by writing affirmations in my journal:
• It’s okay that you’ve made mistakes; you’re learning.
• You’re okay by yourself.
• Things feel hard now, but they won’t always be this way.
Every time I wrote these words, I felt a little lighter. Over time, speaking kindly to myself became a habit that transformed my mindset. It was like rewiring those negative pathways to be positive again. I would try to do this in the morning before I started my day so that I could begin the day with self-compassion & empathy. It reallt helped set the tone & keep me on track for healing.
3. Read a good book… about loving yourself.
If you haven’t already, grab Buy Yourself the Fcking Lilies* by Tara Schuster. It’s a game-changer. This book helped me forgive myself, embrace imperfection, and fall in love with the idea of personal growth. & its so so funny. It was a quick read because it feels like you’re talking with a best-friend, hands down my favorite self-love book.
Not into that one? Head to your local bookstore and find a self-love book that resonates with you. There’s nothing more empowering than filling your mind with positive, healing words. Some other I recommend include You are A BadAss, The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck, & Love. Heal. Grow.
4. Try Shadow Work
Shadowwork is all about digging deep and confronting the parts of yourself you’d rather avoid. It’s uncomfortable, but it’s transformative. Ask yourself questions like:
• What’s the worst way someone could describe me?
• What do I need to forgive myself for?
• What causes me to overthink?
These questions will help you uncover patterns, triggers, and buried emotions that might be holding you back.
Plus, I was trying to heal myself so I could have a better relationship with not only myself, but my friends, & family. & I reflected on ways that I may have done wrong in my past relationships. How did I failt that person? How can I make sure I don’t fail my future relationships? I wanted to get to a point that I would be ready to go into a new relationship at some point & that really required me to work on myself deeply.
5. Envision the Person You Want to Be
Even if you don’t know who you are now, you can start by imagining who you want to become. Write it down:
• I want to be articulate, kind, and confident.
• I want to be a source of light & happiness for myself & friends
• I want to inspire and impact others positively.
• I want to be healthy, fit & pretty.
• I want to start my own business one day & be an independent woman.
• I want to set boundaries and respect them amongst myself, family & friends.
Repeat these affirmations daily, and they’ll slowly start to feel like your truth.
A vision board was also essential in my journey to healing and discovering myself. I would print out pictures of what I wanted to wear, what I wanted in a job, what I wanted out of a relationship, & goals I had. Being able to craft together, piece by piece the life I wanted was pivotal in taking action steps toward that life.
6. Reconnect with Friends
If you’ve been codependent in your relationship, you might have drifted from your friends. Now is the time to rebuild those connections. Call them. Go for coffee. Start a book club.
Your friends will remind you of who you are and cheer you on as you rediscover yourself. Plus, their company is a much-needed distraction from the heartbreak.
7. Put It All Into Practice
Finding yourself is a journey, not a destination. It takes patience, consistency, and self-compassion. Some days will be easier than others, but every step forward is progress & you deserve every bit of it.
Remember: You are not a mess. You are a beautiful, complex soul rebuilding your life for the better.
Breakups are hard, but they can also be the catalyst for incredible growth. You’ve got this, babe. Take these tips, give yourself time, and watch yourself transform.
If any of this resonated with you, I’d love to hear your story. Share your journey with me—I’m rooting for you every step of the way!